yesterday i had therapy. it went well. we talked a lot about my feelings when i eat... and also the physical side of my stomach, and how much of an effect that is having on me.
It is ridiculously hard to become mentally ok with eating- when 90% of the things i eat make my stomach hurt. it is clear that there is a physical problem as well as a mental one. my therapist told me to be more assertive with my doctor, when asking for more tests to be done, and what not. i have gotten a referral now to go to a specialist. that makes me very happy. maybe finally- after all these years of stomach aches we can figure out how to fix it.
It was also nice to hear my therapist say that she doesn't worry about me. that she doesn't think my eating habits are harming me or doing damage to my body. i was very thankful for that.
i really feel like once the physical problems with eating are figured out- that the mental and emotional stuff will be a lot easier to deal with. i feel ready to fully deal with it- and fully heal. i want to be better more than i can explain. and not just for everyone else- but for myself too (huge step).
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