therapy was beyond draining today... i feel like taking a nap... or getting drunk, or something. just checking out for a little bit. yesterday was tiring too.
feeling like crap all day really drains you. but talking about it and why you feel that way- is even more draining. i have so much self hatred- it is disgusting. it makes me sad how much i bully myself. i am so hard on myself- and i don't know how to change it. i don't know how to stop. its this vicious cycle.
one day i will understand it all. but right now- i don't. it doesn't ever make full sense to me. i hate myself for gaining weight(even though i don't really know i did) so i don't eat the whole day- which makes me feel worse. then i decide to eat. and then i don't want to stop eating.... because it makes me feel worse- its like i enjoy making myself feel worse. because i feel like that is what i deserve. i deserve to feel like crap. :(
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