disappointed

i have been doing so good... at least i thought so. i have been feeling good about my food choices, and actually feeling good about myself... but this morning- was a major set back.

I was getting dressed, and i grabbed a pair of my jeans- that i haven't worn since the spring, and they didn't fit. they were too tight. i had muffin tops all over the place, and just looked disgusting. i was angry. according to the scale at my moms house- i have supposedly lost weight- that is obviously not true. if i had lost weight- my pants would fit.

i already didn't want to eat- but now i really don't want to eat. ever. i am over it. i have been trying so hard to be good- and to eat- and be healthy and what not- and all it is doing is exactly what i was afraid it would do. make me gain weight. i am obviously not doing something right. i don't drink soda, i don't eat fast food. 9 times out of 10 i pick a healthier option for meals. i eat a few times a day- small portions. and i work out a little bit 5 times a week. where is the problem? which one is not working? the only thing i can think of is eating. i just need to cut back even more then... and up my exercise.

i haven't been this disappointed in myself in a long time.