So it's another day and I am hanging out with my family and all I can think about is how fat I feel and how I don't want to eat anything, even though I haven't eaten anything yet today, and I probably should eat.
I want so badly to just feel normal and not have these thoughts anymore. I want to be able to just eat with my family and not think about it. I want to not feel gross about it all the time. I wish it would just be easy.
I long for the day when every single day isn't a battle. I wish it was easier to explain to people. No one understands this battle and how serious it really is. You tell people you have eating issues and it seems like nothing big and like it should just be easy. But it just isn't simple like that. And no matter how much I try, my thoughts just don't change... Maybe a little but not a lot. And its all still there always.
I will be fighting this forever and that's probably the worst part, always knowing it will be here. I wanted to hit myself today, thankfully i didnt, and I am proud that I didn't. I guess that's a step.
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