rough day

saying its been rough is an understatement. My reflux has been bad and so has everything else. my mental state is bullshit today. all i can think about it how fat i feel. its the most disgusting feeling ever. i literally feel like i am busting out of my shorts, my bra, my t-shirt, everything. i feel so gross. i am disappointed in myself. for letting myself feel like this- for eating when i knew it would make me feel bad. for eating when i wasn't really hungry. i wanted to hurt myself today- real bad- and i haven't felt that in a little while. i didn't hurt myself- but the urge to punch my stomach was strong- and i almost gave in- it took everything i had not to. i feel like crap about it. i hate feeling that way... this way really- cuz its still there...