Hard

Ed is loud... My upset stomach is loud... My brain is loud.

I wish everything would just be quiet...

Today has been a really good day... (emotionally) and a bad day (eating) I don't feel much like fighting Ed right now... I feel tired and weak... But I just dont care.

I feel depressed, insecure, and not good enough...

Will this ever go away?

I had been having a pretty good day as far as Ed is concerned, but I decided to get in the pool with my family... And that was a mistake. I hated what I saw in the mirror. I hate my stomach more that I will ever be able to explain.

I feel disgusting, ugly and huge. I know "feeling fat" isn't a real emotion- but I don't know what the actual emotion underneath it is right now. And I don't feel like fighting it.

I am too tired to even cry.