Friendships

This isnt really eating disorder related, but it is on my mind...

Friendships.

I have had several friendships, like most of us have... I have even been lucky to have a few best friends. But what is on my mind is when those friendships change. When neither one of you want to put in the effort anymore, when you truly drift apart and no longer actually know each other.

When does that happen? And why can't you see it until it too late?

If I had seen it coming would I have tried to stop it? I don't honestly know the answer to that. I like to believe I would have.

I know high school doesn't last forever and I know that I made the choice to move away. But I can't help but be jealous sometimes of my old friends, and wish I was back there with all of them...

But at the same time, if I hadn't moved and experienced the things I have experienced I wouldnt be who I am today. It's a catch 22.

I long for a group of friends. Friends that go on trips together, go out to dinner, have party's and get together a. For someone who social anxiety, I actually really enjoy being with people...

I have always taken pride in the fact that I believe I am a good friend to people. But I am sitting here thinking that I am not as good of a friend as I should be. I have friends here. I have people who would be down to hang out, I choose not to hang out. Is it my eating disorder that has held me back? Sure in some ways. But it also my fear. Fear of being annoying. Fear of abandonment and fear of rejection.

I need to make some changes. I can't live in that fear anymore. Human contact and socialization are too important to me to let that fear rule my life...