Empty

That is the best way to describe how I feel. I feel empty. 

When baby was growing inside of me- I felt whole. I had Camerin and our baby. We were a family. 

In one instant all of that was taken away from me. In the blink of an eye. 

My heart aches in a way I have never experienced before. It hurts worse that I could have ever imagined. It feels not just broken, but empty. 

There is a piece of it missing, and I don't know how to fix it. 

I know it hasn't been long, but I have been waiting to start feeling a little better- but it seems like everyday is exactly the same as the one before. And I fear it will never get better. And that I will never not be sad. 

I know in my heart, that it will get better. That I will never forget- but I will be able to make it through a day without crying. 

I know in my heart that god is taking care of my angel baby and me. I know I am meant to be a mom and that I will get that dream someday. 

But in this moment. None of that seems possible.