i know that is a selfish thing to say. recovery is a process, and i am aware of that. but it's annoying and frustrating. some days i just don't want to put the work in... i just want to be normal... or feel normal. pretend to be normal.
in spite of wanting to just be recovered- i have been doing pretty good lately. at least i think so. i have challenged myself to eat the uncomfortable things, and to be hyper sensitive to my hunger and fullness. i bought the intuitive eating book- and i am trying very hard to talk it seriously and apply it to my life.
i have not binged, and i have not restricted. but my hunger is not what it used to be. i am sure its because of the cysts in my ovaries and because of all the other things wrong with my tummy. can i just have one day where i don't have a stomach ache? thats not too much to ask for is it?
i want to get involved in something that promotes eating disorder awareness, and helps those struggling with eating disorders. i am sure there are some groups and what not that i could do something with.
my mind hasn't been as flooded with thoughts of food, and weight loss.... but they have been there still. i have been trying to challenge them.
i haven't worn makeup other than mascara for a few days- my skin and eyes have been hurting- plus i want to challenge myself it not have my makeup to make me feel "pretty".
No comments:
Post a Comment