today has been one of those days where you feel sad but can't quite figure out why. I am sure its because of the hormones, but that doesn't make it any easier.
It's been a day filled with Against Me (most days are) and being on the verge of tears. If I could properly word the way I am feeling- I would. But it simply isn't coming to me.
Today I don't feel like a woman.
I looked at my insurance benefits today. I get a $10,000 lifetime maximum of fertility coverage. I thought it was $10,000 a year. Silly me. We've already used $4,500. If this cycle doesn't work- we will have to do IVF. Which means we will have to break for awhile- because we will be paying for at least half of it- and IVF is expensive.
I know I shouldn't be so bummed, because I am lucky that I have ANY coverage for it. I am extremely grateful for that. But figuring that out today hit hard. Made me think about my future a lot...and how there is a chance that I don't get to be a mom.
that is what made me feel like I am not a woman.
Afterall- isn't the lack of the ability to reproduce one of the biggest arguments for why transgender women aren't real women? If they aren't real women- than neither am I. (I think that argument is garbage- BTW)
I am holding back tears as I type right now. That means this is enough for today.
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