Thanksgiving

First I want to say thank you. Someone posted on my Instagram saying I should tell my story, and it inspired me to blog today. So thank you.

I was very nervous about today. It is my first thanksgiving since going to treatment. A holiday centered around eating an obscene amount of food is not really fun when you have an eating disorder.

Add that to the fact that I haven't really been paying much attention to my eating disorder and you have what I call a perfect storm.

Luckily for me- it didn't have an effect on me much today. Some things worked out in my favor. My mom did not have thanksgiving dinner today- hitch definitely helped, because I LOVE moms food. Also- we had a non-traditional thanksgiving. We ate with my husbands family and some extended family- we had Pakistani food, which was amazing but is not a trigger food for me. So I dodged a bullet there.

I have put my eating disorder and recovery on the back burner a lot lately. I have been ignoring it, pretending its not there. I have been comfortable with just getting by. Being recovered enough to survive.

I don't want to just survive anymore. It hasn't really been working. I still struggle with some meals, body image issues and extremely intrusive food and body thoughts... So being good enough is not really good enough.

I want full recovery and will settle for nothing less.

I want to say thank you to my husband for never giving up on me and pushing me when I need help. To my mom for asking the questions I need her to ask and for always being there to listen. To my brother for knowing exactly how to distract me and help me through every panic attack. To my dad for being a rock and for listening to me cry all those mornings while I drove to work. To my treatment group and therapists for challenging me, my thoughts, and challenging Ed for me when I haven't been strong enough to see him standing there. And a special thank you to my scarecrow Lisa for always keeping me honest, checking on me and always being there, and for showing me the recovery record app which in two days had made a lot of difference.

I vow to blog more. And to keep using recovery record and to keep my recovery in the front of my mind until I can honestly say I recovered.

Happy thanksgiving.