Right?
Let me explain why this is unbelievable.
This past year has been hands down the hardest year of my life. This time a year ago I was pregnant. Ecstatic. All I ever have wanted was to be a mom. That happiness was short lived. I was pregnant for 8 weeks when I found out my baby had died. When the doctors couldn't find a heartbeat- my life shattered.
I've spent the past year trying to get pregnant again. I've done 6 months of fertility treatments and they haven't worked. Been on meds and hormones that make me a raging bitch, gaining weight, and feeling like I'm not a woman.
The gaining weight is awful for me as an eating disorder survivor. But that hasn't been the worst part.
I have felt at war with my body, everyday for the past year. And during that year there has been one thing that has made it easier. Against Me! and Laura Jane Grace.
Not a day has gone by where I haven't listened to Against Me! Whenever I was feeling shitty again- I put their music on- and felt better.
Laura's words have spoken to me in a way that I can't even explain. They have made me feel like I'm not alone, and that I can get through anything. Her bravery and honesty is inspiring and makes me braver. Makes me want to live my truth even more. Makes me feel like a woman, regardless of my condition.
I've been tweeting her for months- and everytime she favorited a tweet or responded- it made my day. Knowing she knew I existed was what I needed those days to push through.
Meeting her was a dream. They were doing a record signing and there was no way me and my husband weren't gonna be there. (Against me! & Laura mean the world to him too) I would be lying if I said I wasn't incredibly nervous. I was shaking and couldn't figure out what I would possibly say to her. Plus I wanted her to think I was cool. (Dorky- I know)
Luckily Laura made it easy. When it was my turn to meet her she said "I know you, from the internet." I died. She knew I existed! She remembered my tweets. I responded with "oh yeah? From all the tweets I send you?" And she said yes. I asked for a picture and she said yes. As we were taking the picture I said "does this mean you will follow me now?" She laughed.
She was gorgeous and graceful. Kind and endearing. I wish I had had 2 more minutes with her just to explain everythig. But I just kept saying "thank you" over and over.
Before I met Laura. I got to watch Camerin meet her- which was as important to me as me meeting her. Laura has changed his life in so many ways and to see my husband meet his idol was amazing.
We left the signing shaking and in disbelief. We went to get some drinks- to calm ourselves. Me, Camerin & our friend Amanda- all got some beers and talked about how cool this all was. I had obviously tweeted my picture with Laura- so I checked my twitter... I had a new follower.... Miss Laura Jane Grace herself!!!!! Pinch me! This isn't real. I was dying... Again. This seriously can't be real life.
The show was amazing- as expected. Opening with Fuckmylife666 was amazing- and so unexpected that I couldn't even cry (like I usually do when I listen to that song) and eveything after was pure perfection. I am kind of glad that they didn't play spanish moss or bamboo bones- because if they had- I definitely would have lost it.
I know this blog is long. If you've made it this far- I promise it's almost over.
After the encore- at the end of the show- Laura recognized us from the stage!!! What!?!!!?! She waved at us and mouthed "I follow you" or "I know you" something like that. Seeing her recognize us was unreal- and acknowledging us again was more than I could have ever dreamed.
I know she hears that stuff a lot from fans , and that these things make seem small to some people. But they were huge to me. I am beyond thankful for the love she showed me and Camerin yesterday.
Now on to Fresno on the 20th. Maybe this time she will let me buy her a drink. A girl can dream right?
