Quit

Sometimes I just want to quit.

I went to the doctor today for my stomach issues... My appointment was supposed to be to schedule a colonoscopy- however like always the doctor had a different plan.

He wants to try more medicine before we resort to the colonoscopy. I am beyond frustrated.

I feel like no doctor listens to me... I tell them everything that is wrong and how I want to do every test possible to figure it out, but they don't want to.

And how come when you tell a doctor you have an eating disorder and are in recovery they look at you like you are broken... Shouldn't they be understanding? You would sure think so. But instead they treat you like you have some terrible contagious disease.

Sometimes I just want to quit. Quit going to the doctor. Quit taking care of everything.

I want to go away. For at least a week and just not do anything.

Strong enough to break

My mind is a mess.

More messy then it has been in a long time. I am not sleeping, I have no appetite and I have zero energy... All the time.

Everything feels like a chore. Everything feels like it is too much work...

I just want to run away... And hide in my bed for a week.

I am beyond overwhelmed and trying to put on a smile everything and get through it is getting harder.

I am not depressed or even really sad.... Just exhausted. Everything feels chaotic.

I want to cry- but even that takes too much effort.

I have been listening to the Hanson "underneath" album constantly. (Go ahead and laugh- I don't care) and the song "strong enough to break" is getting the most play on my drive.

"Things keep coming and keep wondering... I start feeling the walls close in. Things keep coming and keep stumbling, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break... "

Strong enough to break...

I think I am breaking...