Pretending

I think I am doing a pretty good job of pretending lately. But it's getting old. I can't keep pretending to be ok... When inside I am not really alright... And all I want to do is not eat and to feel sone control again. My anxiety is terrible... I couldn't even be in the bathroom showering without Camerin being in there to talk to me and keep me calm... So sad....

A little better...

Things are a little better.... Maybe. I don't really know I guess. My thoughts are still focused on being skinnier, but I have been eating 3 times a day... So I guess that is good.

I have also been doing yoga with cam the past couple nights.... We skipped a day, but I am going to do it tonight. It seems to be helping make me feel better- so that's good :)

I am still trying to lose weight- but I guess just trying to be healthier about it.... I guess that's progress.. :)

Good morning

I feel a little better this morning. Me and Camerin did yoga last night, which made me feel pretty good. I still feel fat, but I feel like at least I am doing something about it.

Cam said he would like to keep doing yoga with me, so that will definitely help.

I am at the lab right now, waiting to get my blood drawn. And tested... Super exciting. I had an appointment at a gastroenterologist last Thursday, and he ordered some blood work.... And then we will do an endoscopy. I am nervous for when that happens- but excited too- it will be nice to finally know what's wrong.

inspiration

This is me and my husband last year on halloween.... i was without a doubt my skinniest here... this is my inspiration- i want to be here again. by the end of the month... i know i can do it... i have to.

A new plan

I weighed myself today... And I was disappointed... Not that I am surprised, at all. I need to do better an I promise myself I will.

I want to lose 10 pounds. Just 10, that's not too much and I don't think that is ridiculous.

I know I can do it. And I am fairly confident I can do it without getting carried away. I hope I can do it.

To be honest, I don't care if I do get carried away a little bit... I need to make myself happy... And thats what I plan on doing. I know I would e happier 10 pounds lighter.